Stay for the kids but they better damn well work on getting along with respect. Kasi totoo talaga Yun na most kids from homes with a mom and dad mas makakatapos ng Pag aaral. Pero if they're going to stay together tapos magmumurahan sila sa harapan ng mga bata, mag divorce na lang sila.
My in-laws are among the thousands of couples who should have dissolved their union. Napaka toxic nila kaya pati buhay ng mga anak nila na micromanage na din nila. And anytime they can, theyll bring up the fact na ndi sila naghiwalay dahil sa mga anak nila. LOL kalokohan
If you want divorce, annulment or whatsoever, unang una nyong iconsider mga anak nyo. Dahil sila ang pinakabiktima sa pagiging SELFISH natin. Halos lahat ng comment na nababasa ko kaya gusto ng divorce dahil gustong kumawala sa toxic na partner at makatagpo ng iba. So may nakaisip ba sa mararamdaman ng bata? Mag aasawa tayo ulit, papano tayo nakakasiguro na ok ang susunod nating mapapangasawa and most of all tatanggapin ba ng buo ang mga sarili nating anak? Tayo pa namang mga filipino iba yong mentalidad natin kapag di talaga nating kadugo. Halos 10 percent lang ang totoong tumatanggap sa di tunay na kadugo nila. Kaya sana yong kapakanan nila ang unang una nating iisipin hindi yong physical na needs natin. Dahil wala silang choice, biktima sila ng pagiging makasarili ng mga magulang nila.
Stay because you still want to be together and there is love and respect. Please lang, don't make the kids the reason for your misery. You have no idea of the pressure and the effect of that on the children.
Oo, hugot to. I love my parents but we also know they just hang in there dahil sa aming magkakapatid.
So bottom line is... :) :) :) Your parents were both immature to get married and lacked responsibility :D :D :D Did i get it right? ;) ;) ;) It is very hard to treat the root cause, because you can always give a band aid to the symptoms ;) ;) ;)
I agree. Ang unfair lang gamitin ang mga bata kung bakit magsstay sa marriage. Di nyo alam yung bata ang nagigiguilty kasi pinipilit nyong magsama kahit wala namang pagmamahal.
It’s better off na maghiwalay kesa makita kayong parating nag-aaway at may nasasaktan na.
I disagree with you too by saying "magi-guilty ang bata" . Karapatan ng sinumang bata ang lumaking may magulang. Kung lumaking kulang yan sa magulang dahil sa oagiging makasarili ng magulang nila yan.
11:00, merong custody na tinatawag. Puwedeng 50/50 or kahit anong percentage ang mapagkasunduan ng magulang. Ang hinihiwalayan ay ang isang magulang, hindi ang anak.
I grew up in a broken family and totoo naman na when I started to understand what was happening, I felt guilty na maybe things would've been better if my parents separeted earlier. Maybe they had less kids so lesser lives to impact. Maybe if they did, it would've spared us from all the trauma and emotional baggage that mg siblings and I had to endure, lalo na yung impact on how we handle relationships.
Case to case basis naman siguro but my parents despised each other back then so kahit na they try, may times talaga na sumasabog sila.
Yep. My mom stayed despite the cheating and abuse. To this day, hindi nya makalimutang iremind samin na the reason she stayed was because of us. Maganda daw sana buhay nya kung iniwan nya kami but she stayed.. I guess kung magsstay lang sila, magbuibuild ng resentment.
When i was 9 I remember thinking to myself I wish my parents would separate. I had an unhealthy fear of my father because he was violent and drunk, and did not provide. No one tells the truth in my family. We all like to pretend everything is ok to keep the family Intact but deep down we are all broken down to the grandkids. We can't be authentic with our feelings because of "respect". he does not love my mom he uses her. They're old now my mom is still scared of him, I'm not. I used to be always angry when my kids were young. But now I'm calling myself out. I spoke with my eldest and apologized to her for how I tried to instill fear in her. I'm no longer that person im glad I changed early enough.
Ang hina ng pang unawa mo te. Kaya nga yung picture na yan ginamit nya. Very obvious naman na yan ang na experience nya at gusto nya lang iexplain yung damage na nagagawa ng pagsasama ng couple for the sake of their kids.
Mahinang uminti tong 1154PM na to,kaya gumugulo ang comment section dahil sa mga kagaya mo,intindihin munang mabuti ang mensahe bago magbigay ng opinyon,puwede ba?Di naman siguro mahirap yan🙄🥴
Yan siguro naranasan nila nung time na magulo parents nila. Kawawa talaga mga bata sa situation na ganyan. Mas toxic kung puro away lang sa bahay at walang harmony.
THIS IS TRUE. IT’S THE TRAUMA THAT THE KIDS WILL HAVE TO ENDURE. IN MY CASE, I AM ALREADY 40YRS OLD AND YET I CAN STILL CLEARLY RECALL ALL THOSE LATE NIGHT FIGHTS AND SCREAMING OF MY PARENTS.
AND IBA YUNG IMPACT SAKIN KASI NGAYON SOBRANG NAGINGINIG AKO SA TAKOT TUWING NAKAKARINIG AKO NG MALALAKAS NA BOSES KASI FEELING KO MAY NAG AAWAY. SOBRANG FRESH PA DIN SA MIND KO YUNG MGA HATING GABI NA BIGLA AKONG NAGIGISING DAHIL NAG AAWAY NANAMAN MGA MAGULANG KO AND TAKOT NA TAKOT AKO NA IWAN KAMI NG TATAY KO. AT NGAYON I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND GAD. NAG HEAL BA AKO? HINDI.
PERO NAG HEAL NA AKO DUN SA PART NA NAGHIWALAY SILA. KAHIT THIRD PARTY PA ANG DAHILAN. NAPATAWAD KO NA YUNG PAPA KO AT YUNG ASAWA NIYA NGAYON. WALA NANG SAKIT AND WALA NG “WHAT IF…”
PERO DALA DALA KO PA DIN UNTIL NOW YUNG TAKOT EVERYTIME I HEAR PEOPLE RAISE THEIR VOICE. NAKAKATAKOT. NAKAKA TRAUMA.
The worst part is that they get physical, very violent. And then when either of them are in a mood, bogbog kaming magkakapatid. We still go to church every sunday, pero may bali, may pasa. I wonder to this day how neither of them or us, died. The psychological trauma is so hard to bear.
same here. takot na takot din ako pag sumisigaw na yung partner ko pag nag aaway kami kasi ganyan din yun parents ko nun. tapos parang na adapt ko na rin yung ganung behaviour, sinisigawan ko yung mga kids ko pag stress ako.
True yan sis. It's like walking on eggshells. Pag umuwing lasing tatay namin grabe yung anxiety na magwala sya, mabugbog ang mom namin or mapagbuntunan kami ng galit. Yung trauma at anxiety everytime I hear a commotion dala dala ko til now. Mabait at matatalino kaming magkapatid, di namin deserve ang ganung klaseng ama.
I remember the first violent fight na nakita ko sa parents ko. I was around 3 or 4. I am 40 now, pero yes, the mental and emotional trauma is real. Kasi you will learn all about love sa family, yan yung foundation mo and yung first idea mo ng relationship will be sa mga kapamilya mo rin. So yung fights ng parents ko, physical fights, as in murahan levels and scandalous, dala-dala namin. Lahat kaming magkakapatid at one point nagawa yun, either kami yung "abuser" or pumayag kami sa abusive relationship, and super screwed up ng ideas namin about how you can say na mahal mo nga yung tao. For us, it's love. And it took years before we understood na iba pala yun and until now, though we are in better relationships, di mawawala yung ibang nakuha mo sa paglaki sa magulong family.
Huwag gawing rason ang mga bata or Ayaw ng broken family. Magkasama nga kayo pero palagi naman nagaaway o nagkakasakitan, sino mas maapektuhan? Db ang mga bata? Always think of your kids mental health.
Hindi na kailangang dagdagan ng divorce. Pag-ibayuhin lang ang existing laws. Ang problema lang naman napakahirap ng proseso at kulang ang grounds. Hindi divorce ang sagot dyan. Amendment lang to add VALID grounds and make the process less stringent and more accessible.
Annulment nullifies marriage right from the start.
Why is it so hard to accept that a valid marriage happened but got broken and lost along the way?! Why the need to make up lies about the "invalid" beginning, when it could have been a beautiful one?
You know why? Because of the concept of alimony, clear separation of conjugal assets and stricter enforcement of child support that come with divorce. Yun yooown!
Sa batas natin annulment (any ground) works only if the ground exists at the time of marriage. Kaya NULL ang marriage, may requisites na hindi existing nung time na kinasal.
Kaya hindi sagot yung pagdagdag sa grounds. Pag lahat ng requisites (consent, age, gender, and other formalities like yung presiding officer, license, etc) existing nung time na ikasal . Tas in a few years, nagkaron ng kabit, o naging violent,hindi mag aapply ang annulment.
In annulment, the marriage is VOID FROM THE START. It never happened. In divorce, kinikilala ang existence marriage, pero dinidissolve dahil sa grounds na provided ng batas.
Some marriages are valid, but people unexpectedly change and the relationship just doesnt work out.
Ay teh, BETTER ANG DIVORCE THAN ANNULMENT, which annulment ang meron sa atin. Sa divorce, papanagutan prin ng BOTH parents ang mga anak nila. Sa annulment, takas agad sa responsibilidad si cheater
My mother stayed with my toxic narcissist father for 30 years. Bata pa lang kami sinabi na namin sa nanay ko umalis na kami at iwan na yung abusive naming tatay. We were gaslighted by our father & his relatives all our lives. Hindi magawa ng nanay ko umalis kase kulang ang sinu sweldo nya para maka alis and buhayin kami, I wish the situation was different. Nagawa nlang nya umalis ng adults na kami & she saw that we can fend for ourselves then eventually umalis na din kami sa impyernong bahay namin. It was such a relief ng naka alis kami, para kaming naka labas ng preso. I cut off all communication sa narcissit kong ama. Hangang ngayon, bukang bibig pa din ng tatay ko sa mga kamag anak nya & sa mga taong nakaka kilala sa pamilya namin na sya ang biktima, we abandoned him & expected nya alagaan namin sya, wow! No child should ever experience growing up in a toxic environment, kaya d ko ma gets yung mga pinoy na sinasabi tatay mo pa din yun, dapat patawarin mo, or dapat mag sama kayo alang alang sa mga bata, wtf!
I get you. I grew up beaten and abused, a victim of domestic violence. Up to now, I cannot forgive them. I went to school with black eye, cut lip and always afraid of either my mother or father. Buti na lang I have my lola and tita kung wala sila, patay na kami ng mga kapatid ko.
Carbon copy yata tayo ng tatay baks. My dad was also a narcissist and an abuser. Numero unong gaslighter pa, kami pa ang mali at masama ang ugali tapos siya ang victim at kawawa dahil mabuting tao daw sya. Wow lang. I pray na sana mawala hatred na kinimkim ko sa taong yun but I can never forgive. Forgiveness culture only enables the abusers.
Hugs, classmate. Marami tayong ganyan. Stuck only because of financial reasons. Which could have been resolved by iron clad alimony arrangements that comes with a divorce.
Our dad passed away. When he did, I was not sad. They never asked for forgiveness or acknowledged the abuse. Our mom is still around. She has her own business pero retired na. She still terrorizes my sisters and brothers but they have learned to ignore her. She creates drama all the time but never acknowledges the abuse. Now, she psychologically abuses her apos, pitting them against each other, belittling them or accusing them for no reason. I am an OFW and Ibhave not spoken to her since I graduated from college. And yet she keeps telling people who will listen how she and I are close, grandiose tales of our holidays. I think she has an alternate view of reality. Even if I am angry, I also feel pity. I will never forget the childhood of terror. When my father would punch me and kick me and I do not see anything except black. I dont even feel the punches and hits, I only just wanted it all to end. And in those times, my mother would encourage my father, saying I deserve it. I am not a bad kid, I am timid. All I did was study and try to be a 'good kid' to not get beaten up. I also try to shield my younger siblings by taking the hits.
"Kulang ang sinusweldo..." this is exactly the reason why women stay in abusive marriages. Surface alibi lang yung "for the kids"...at the core, MONEY is the driving force especially here in the PH lalo na sa provinces. Paano hihiwalay ang babae sa asawa nya kung wala syang trabaho or kulang ang sweldo? Hindi mo po maoobliga ang lalake na mag sustento sa totoong buhay. Kusang loob lang nila ginagawa yun. Pwede nila itago pera nila kung ayaw talaga magbigay. The younger generation should learn from this. Women should always always always be financially independent first before she even considers marriage. Women should also learn that although it might be your most important dream as a woman to "get married, be a wife, and become a mother"... marriage is and will never be in your favor (unless you hit the jackpot lottery in husband selection). I've seen this happen again and again in my former classmates, colleagues, relatives, neighbors... sa umpisa lang masaya yan. Honeymoon phase ang tawag... after that, kalbaryo na. As a woman, MONEY will empower you. Maski maging single mother ka pa basta you have the financial means to support your children, magiging okay ka. Malaking tulong ang pera. Money is power.
3:28 beh, did you read other people's comment here? Ung mga nagshare ng experience and trauma nila for staying sa abusive and toxic marriage?? Or u just bruised it off kasi masaya ka nman sa marriage mo and wala ka nang pake sa iba??;
Dapat ma push talaga tong divorce. Hindi ko ma intindihan anung reason bakit tayo na lang ang bansa na walang divorce bill. Please naman. Anung pumipigil sa inyo na ipasa ito.
Staying for the kids does more damage in many cases. Yung auntie and uncle ko lagi nag-aaway, nagsisigawan and nagtatalo tungkol sa pera. Ganun na sila years ago and until malalaki na mga anak nila ganun pa din. Yung 2nd child nila sobrang affected that she tried to harm herself and needed psychiatric treatment because of so much stress from seeing her parents fighting all the time, especially seeing her mom crying and laging "talo" because she was a stay at home mom so she didn't have her own income and was dependent on her husband. My cousins asked them to separate years ago but they didn't. Yung mga anak na mismo nagmakaawa sa parents nila na maghiwalay for their mom's sake.
Yung uncle ko madalas sobrang lasing kaya sa presinto napupunta dahil hindi na makapag-drive pauwi. Yung mga anak nya ang tumutubos sa kanya. Imagine being so negligent that your own kids have to take you out of jail and wala lang sa kanya, yung mga anak nya sobrang nasasaktan na pero he kept on doing it. The mental and emotional abuse were really bad.
My aunt has passed away since then, but even now my cousins would wonder if she'd have lived longer if she didn't have to suffer so much in that marriage and if she'd had the courage to leave, and kung may option like divorce na open sa kanya.
Sa mga nagsasabing padaliin process ng anullment, iba pa rin sya sa divorce. Annullment is ginawang walang bisa or yung kasal didnt exist in the first place dahil sa (insert technichality here: psychological incapacity, marriage under false pretenses, shotgun marriage, etc) so the kids are still illegitimate (so mas maliit yung inheritance nila vs legitimate children), ma proseso yung pag hiwalay ng assests. Vs divorce na recognized yung union but the bond is dissolved so children are recognized under the law as legitimate, pwedeng mag ask ng support for the wife (or kung sino ang lower income and primary caregiver) and kids. In short divorce gives more legal protection sa mga naging result ng marriage. For those that are not in favor, it's not just about you. It's about people, families who need this option. It's about those who need to get out of abusive and toxic marriages. Wala namang pumapasok sa marriage na may planong maghiwalay at hindi din ganun kadali hiwalayan kaya usually pag nagdecide na mag hiwalay matindi na rin pinagdaanan bago maghiwalay.
Been reading a lot of sad stories here about sa mga experience nila with their parents. Ang sad :( kaya yung iba anak ayaw nila magka anak Or mag asawa Or to commit in a relationship kasi, ayaw nila mangyari sa anak nila yung trauma nila. This is a very sensitive topic ha, ako nga Catholic ako Yes, to divorce ako para sa kalayaan ng both parties pero takot ako ngayon mag sabi ng opinion ko sa social media kasi parang ang sama ko na . Parang nung election 2 years ago they Will cancel you pag hinde ka maka leni Or maka BBM ka. Ang toxic!
Ito ha….kahit mag end of the world na at baliktarin mo ang mundo. The divorce law Will never happen in the Philippines . It Will Not happen. Don’t get me wrong, sa totoo lang tayo. Oo, napasa na sa congress , sa senate may debate pa yan- mahaba haba discussion pa yan tapos supreme court! Baka matapos ni BBM Ang term niya hinde pa pasado ang law na ito. Sad to say. Again, hinde ako Anti divorce at hinde hinde ako pro divorce . Kung Anu magiging desisyon ng batas i Will accept and respect it.
Lahat ng pro divorce i respect you same sa Anti divorce I respect you too as well. Boses niyo yan opinion niyo yan Go.
We are a Catholic country most are it are againts it. Sa dami problema ng Pilipinas tingin mo uunahin ito Ma approve ito? Plus, Uunahin ng iba politico saan sila mag benefit pag election na. Same Sex marriage hinde Ma approved ito pa kaya? Oo madami ako sinabi kasi yan ang nakikita ko at na observe ko.
Guys, be careful what you wish for because this is not just about divorce that makes you able to remarry but it's about who among the two individuals, is going to pay. I will give you an example. If you are a mother, an OFW sending money to your husband in the Philippines who has no job, but he instead of using it accordingly, uses it for pambabae, gambling, drinking habit etc. You, of course will get furious and wants to file a divorce on the grounds of "irreconcilable differences". Now, who do you think will pay alimony and child support? It's you because No. 1. you are the one who has money; No 2. your husband is the custodial parent of the child because you are in abroad. You might say it's unfair dahil ikaw na nga ang niloko tapos ikaw pa ang magbabayad. That's the divorce law.
In the eyes of divorce law, guilty or not, as long as you are the one earning more money, you will pay.
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Stay for the kids but they better damn well work on getting along with respect. Kasi totoo talaga Yun na most kids from homes with a mom and dad mas makakatapos ng Pag aaral. Pero if they're going to stay together tapos magmumurahan sila sa harapan ng mga bata, mag divorce na lang sila.
ReplyDeleteMy in-laws are among the thousands of couples who should have dissolved their union. Napaka toxic nila kaya pati buhay ng mga anak nila na micromanage na din nila. And anytime they can, theyll bring up the fact na ndi sila naghiwalay dahil sa mga anak nila. LOL kalokohan
DeleteIf you want divorce, annulment or whatsoever, unang una nyong iconsider mga anak nyo. Dahil sila ang pinakabiktima sa pagiging SELFISH natin. Halos lahat ng comment na nababasa ko kaya gusto ng divorce dahil gustong kumawala sa toxic na partner at makatagpo ng iba. So may nakaisip ba sa mararamdaman ng bata? Mag aasawa tayo ulit, papano tayo nakakasiguro na ok ang susunod nating mapapangasawa and most of all tatanggapin ba ng buo ang mga sarili nating anak? Tayo pa namang mga filipino iba yong mentalidad natin kapag di talaga nating kadugo. Halos 10 percent lang ang totoong tumatanggap sa di tunay na kadugo nila. Kaya sana yong kapakanan nila ang unang una nating iisipin hindi yong physical na needs natin. Dahil wala silang choice, biktima sila ng pagiging makasarili ng mga magulang nila.
DeleteKung wala ng love ang couple for each other why still stay for the kids? As Maxene says it confuses the children more.
Deletein short, ang totoong broken family eh yung pamilyang almusal, tanghalian, hapunan ang kaguluhan.
DeleteStay because you still want to be together and there is love and respect. Please lang, don't make the kids the reason for your misery. You have no idea of the pressure and the effect of that on the children.
DeleteOo, hugot to. I love my parents but we also know they just hang in there dahil sa aming magkakapatid.
Where did you even get that information? Do you have actual statistics and reliable source to support your claim?
DeleteSo bottom line is... :) :) :) Your parents were both immature to get married and lacked responsibility :D :D :D Did i get it right? ;) ;) ;) It is very hard to treat the root cause, because you can always give a band aid to the symptoms ;) ;) ;)
ReplyDeleteSaan naman dyan sinabi nyang immature at irresponsible ang parents nya?
DeleteIt was part of being young and stupid. So what? It's their story, not yours.
DeleteAnd no one is asking you to fix their problems.
Trying hard pawitty lagi
Delete11:10 PM ang trying hard mo
DeleteI agree. Ang unfair lang gamitin ang mga bata kung bakit magsstay sa marriage. Di nyo alam yung bata ang nagigiguilty kasi pinipilit nyong magsama kahit wala namang pagmamahal.
ReplyDeleteIt’s better off na maghiwalay kesa makita kayong parating nag-aaway at may nasasaktan na.
Magsama dahil nagmamahalan, hindi dahil may anak.
I disagree with you too by saying "magi-guilty ang bata" . Karapatan ng sinumang bata ang lumaking may magulang. Kung lumaking kulang yan sa magulang dahil sa oagiging makasarili ng magulang nila yan.
Delete11:00, merong custody na tinatawag. Puwedeng 50/50 or kahit anong percentage ang mapagkasunduan ng magulang. Ang hinihiwalayan ay ang isang magulang, hindi ang anak.
DeleteI grew up in a broken family and totoo naman na when I started to understand what was happening, I felt guilty na maybe things would've been better if my parents separeted earlier. Maybe they had less kids so lesser lives to impact. Maybe if they did, it would've spared us from all the trauma and emotional baggage that mg siblings and I had to endure, lalo na yung impact on how we handle relationships.
DeleteCase to case basis naman siguro but my parents despised each other back then so kahit na they try, may times talaga na sumasabog sila.
Yep. My mom stayed despite the cheating and abuse. To this day, hindi nya makalimutang iremind samin na the reason she stayed was because of us. Maganda daw sana buhay nya kung iniwan nya kami but she stayed.. I guess kung magsstay lang sila, magbuibuild ng resentment.
DeleteThat's a terrible thing to say
Delete11:00 it seems na lucky ka sa life because u didnt know n this is really happening.
DeleteYou don’t know. Ganyan din ginawa ng nanay mo with your late father. She stayed for the sake of you - the kids-
ReplyDelete1154 di mo nga nagets. Part of why she is vocal about it is pinagdaanan yata nila yan, laging nagaaway parents noon
DeleteWhen i was 9 I remember thinking to myself I wish my parents would separate. I had an unhealthy fear of my father because he was violent and drunk, and did not provide. No one tells the truth in my family. We all like to pretend everything is ok to keep the family Intact but deep down we are all broken down to the grandkids. We can't be authentic with our feelings because of "respect". he does not love my mom he uses her. They're old now my mom is still scared of him, I'm not. I used to be always angry when my kids were young. But now I'm calling myself out. I spoke with my eldest and apologized to her for how I tried to instill fear in her. I'm no longer that person im glad I changed early enough.
DeleteAng hina ng pang unawa mo te. Kaya nga yung picture na yan ginamit nya. Very obvious naman na yan ang na experience nya at gusto nya lang iexplain yung damage na nagagawa ng pagsasama ng couple for the sake of their kids.
Delete11:54 hence, she has mental health issues, hence, speaking about its negative effects…from someone with direct experience like her, I totally agree.
Delete11:54 lol yun nga ang ibig nyang iparating. Reading comprehension left the group
DeleteDba sinabi ni Maxene yan sa interview nya before, she grew up in a toxic family environment kaya sya hindi stable mentally.
Delete1154 is a good example of lthe rampant issue of low reading comprehension. Ugh!
DeleteMalamang! Kaya nga gusto ng divorce dahil na experience nya! Tingin monkung di nya na experience yan at wala yang problema sa family papabor cya jan?
DeleteI think that's her point? She grew up in a dysfunctional family hence her mental health struggle
DeleteMahinang uminti tong 1154PM na to,kaya gumugulo ang comment section dahil sa mga kagaya mo,intindihin munang mabuti ang mensahe bago magbigay ng opinyon,puwede ba?Di naman siguro mahirap yan🙄🥴
DeleteKinabahan naman ako at akala ko meron syang ispluk about her fam and childhood
ReplyDeleteUhhm it’s a read between the lines thing
DeleteYan siguro naranasan nila nung time na magulo parents nila. Kawawa talaga mga bata sa situation na ganyan. Mas toxic kung puro away lang sa bahay at walang harmony.
ReplyDeleteGo lang! Madaming anti-divorce na akala nila mandatory maghiwalay pag napasa yun bill. Lol. pala-desisyon pa sa ibang mag asawang failing ang marriage
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS TRUE. IT’S THE TRAUMA THAT THE KIDS WILL HAVE TO ENDURE. IN MY CASE, I AM ALREADY 40YRS OLD AND YET I CAN STILL CLEARLY RECALL ALL THOSE LATE NIGHT FIGHTS AND SCREAMING OF MY PARENTS.
ReplyDeleteAND IBA YUNG IMPACT SAKIN KASI NGAYON SOBRANG NAGINGINIG AKO SA TAKOT TUWING NAKAKARINIG AKO NG MALALAKAS NA BOSES KASI FEELING KO MAY NAG AAWAY. SOBRANG FRESH PA DIN SA MIND KO YUNG MGA HATING GABI NA BIGLA AKONG NAGIGISING DAHIL NAG AAWAY NANAMAN MGA MAGULANG KO AND TAKOT NA TAKOT AKO NA IWAN KAMI NG TATAY KO. AT NGAYON I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND GAD. NAG HEAL BA AKO? HINDI.
PERO NAG HEAL NA AKO DUN SA PART NA NAGHIWALAY SILA. KAHIT THIRD PARTY PA ANG DAHILAN. NAPATAWAD KO NA YUNG PAPA KO AT YUNG ASAWA NIYA NGAYON. WALA NANG SAKIT AND WALA NG “WHAT IF…”
PERO DALA DALA KO PA DIN UNTIL NOW YUNG TAKOT EVERYTIME I HEAR PEOPLE RAISE THEIR VOICE. NAKAKATAKOT. NAKAKA TRAUMA.
Hugs, kapatid.
DeleteThe worst part is that they get physical, very violent. And then when either of them are in a mood, bogbog kaming magkakapatid. We still go to church every sunday, pero may bali, may pasa. I wonder to this day how neither of them or us, died. The psychological trauma is so hard to bear.
Deletesame here. takot na takot din ako pag sumisigaw na yung partner ko pag nag aaway kami kasi ganyan din yun parents ko nun. tapos parang na adapt ko na rin yung ganung behaviour, sinisigawan ko yung mga kids ko pag stress ako.
DeleteTrue yan sis. It's like walking on eggshells. Pag umuwing lasing tatay namin grabe yung anxiety na magwala sya, mabugbog ang mom namin or mapagbuntunan kami ng galit. Yung trauma at anxiety everytime I hear a commotion dala dala ko til now. Mabait at matatalino kaming magkapatid, di namin deserve ang ganung klaseng ama.
DeleteI remember the first violent fight na nakita ko sa parents ko. I was around 3 or 4. I am 40 now, pero yes, the mental and emotional trauma is real. Kasi you will learn all about love sa family, yan yung foundation mo and yung first idea mo ng relationship will be sa mga kapamilya mo rin. So yung fights ng parents ko, physical fights, as in murahan levels and scandalous, dala-dala namin. Lahat kaming magkakapatid at one point nagawa yun, either kami yung "abuser" or pumayag kami sa abusive relationship, and super screwed up ng ideas namin about how you can say na mahal mo nga yung tao. For us, it's love. And it took years before we understood na iba pala yun and until now, though we are in better relationships, di mawawala yung ibang nakuha mo sa paglaki sa magulong family.
DeleteHuwag gawing rason ang mga bata or Ayaw ng broken family. Magkasama nga kayo pero palagi naman nagaaway o nagkakasakitan, sino mas maapektuhan? Db ang mga bata? Always think of your kids mental health.
ReplyDeleteHindi na kailangang dagdagan ng divorce. Pag-ibayuhin lang ang existing laws. Ang problema lang naman napakahirap ng proseso at kulang ang grounds. Hindi divorce ang sagot dyan. Amendment lang to add VALID grounds and make the process less stringent and more accessible.
ReplyDeleteAnnulment nullifies marriage right from the start.
DeleteWhy is it so hard to accept that a valid marriage happened but got broken and lost along the way?! Why the need to make up lies about the "invalid" beginning, when it could have been a beautiful one?
You know why? Because of the concept of alimony, clear separation of conjugal assets and stricter enforcement of child support that come with divorce. Yun yooown!
Sa batas natin annulment (any ground) works only if the ground exists at the time of marriage. Kaya NULL ang marriage, may requisites na hindi existing nung time na kinasal.
DeleteKaya hindi sagot yung pagdagdag sa grounds. Pag lahat ng requisites (consent, age, gender, and other formalities like yung presiding officer, license, etc) existing nung time na ikasal . Tas in a few years, nagkaron ng kabit, o naging violent,hindi mag aapply ang annulment.
In annulment, the marriage is VOID FROM THE START. It never happened. In divorce, kinikilala ang existence marriage, pero dinidissolve dahil sa grounds na provided ng batas.
Some marriages are valid, but people unexpectedly change and the relationship just doesnt work out.
Kaya DIVORCE talaga ang sagot, sis.
Walang hatian ng properties at spousal support sa annulment. Sa divorce ay meron.
DeleteAy teh, BETTER ANG DIVORCE THAN ANNULMENT, which annulment ang meron sa atin. Sa divorce, papanagutan prin ng BOTH parents ang mga anak nila. Sa annulment, takas agad sa responsibilidad si cheater
DeleteMy mother stayed with my toxic narcissist father for 30 years. Bata pa lang kami sinabi na namin sa nanay ko umalis na kami at iwan na yung abusive naming tatay. We were gaslighted by our father & his relatives all our lives. Hindi magawa ng nanay ko umalis kase kulang ang sinu sweldo nya para maka alis and buhayin kami, I wish the situation was different. Nagawa nlang nya umalis ng adults na kami & she saw that we can fend for ourselves then eventually umalis na din kami sa impyernong bahay namin. It was such a relief ng naka alis kami, para kaming naka labas ng preso. I cut off all communication sa narcissit kong ama. Hangang ngayon, bukang bibig pa din ng tatay ko sa mga kamag anak nya & sa mga taong nakaka kilala sa pamilya namin na sya ang biktima, we abandoned him & expected nya alagaan namin sya, wow! No child should ever experience growing up in a toxic environment, kaya d ko ma gets yung mga pinoy na sinasabi tatay mo pa din yun, dapat patawarin mo, or dapat mag sama kayo alang alang sa mga bata, wtf!
ReplyDeleteHugs, kapatid. Hope you’ve healed.
DeleteI get you. I grew up beaten and abused, a victim of domestic violence. Up to now, I cannot forgive them. I went to school with black eye, cut lip and always afraid of either my mother or father. Buti na lang I have my lola and tita kung wala sila, patay na kami ng mga kapatid ko.
DeletePrayers and healing for you. There are many of us
DeleteCarbon copy yata tayo ng tatay baks. My dad was also a narcissist and an abuser. Numero unong gaslighter pa, kami pa ang mali at masama ang ugali tapos siya ang victim at kawawa dahil mabuting tao daw sya. Wow lang. I pray na sana mawala hatred na kinimkim ko sa taong yun but I can never forgive. Forgiveness culture only enables the abusers.
DeleteHugs, classmate. Marami tayong ganyan. Stuck only because of financial reasons. Which could have been resolved by iron clad alimony arrangements that comes with a divorce.
Delete2:03 Nasaan parents mo now? Buhay pa ba sila? Did they ever ask for forgiveness sa inyong magkakapatid?
DeleteOur dad passed away. When he did, I was not sad. They never asked for forgiveness or acknowledged the abuse. Our mom is still around. She has her own business pero retired na. She still terrorizes my sisters and brothers but they have learned to ignore her. She creates drama all the time but never acknowledges the abuse. Now, she psychologically abuses her apos, pitting them against each other, belittling them or accusing them for no reason. I am an OFW and Ibhave not spoken to her since I graduated from college. And yet she keeps telling people who will listen how she and I are close, grandiose tales of our holidays. I think she has an alternate view of reality. Even if I am angry, I also feel pity. I will never forget the childhood of terror. When my father would punch me and kick me and I do not see anything except black. I dont even feel the punches and hits, I only just wanted it all to end. And in those times, my mother would encourage my father, saying I deserve it. I am not a bad kid, I am timid. All I did was study and try to be a 'good kid' to not get beaten up. I also try to shield my younger siblings by taking the hits.
Delete"Kulang ang sinusweldo..." this is exactly the reason why women stay in abusive marriages. Surface alibi lang yung "for the kids"...at the core, MONEY is the driving force especially here in the PH lalo na sa provinces. Paano hihiwalay ang babae sa asawa nya kung wala syang trabaho or kulang ang sweldo? Hindi mo po maoobliga ang lalake na mag sustento sa totoong buhay. Kusang loob lang nila ginagawa yun. Pwede nila itago pera nila kung ayaw talaga magbigay. The younger generation should learn from this. Women should always always always be financially independent first before she even considers marriage. Women should also learn that although it might be your most important dream as a woman to "get married, be a wife, and become a mother"... marriage is and will never be in your favor (unless you hit the jackpot lottery in husband selection). I've seen this happen again and again in my former classmates, colleagues, relatives, neighbors... sa umpisa lang masaya yan. Honeymoon phase ang tawag... after that, kalbaryo na. As a woman, MONEY will empower you. Maski maging single mother ka pa basta you have the financial means to support your children, magiging okay ka. Malaking tulong ang pera. Money is power.
DeleteDon't decide on married people's lives. You don't know their traumatic stories while living together.
ReplyDeleteGo for divorce! Kesa naman sa nagtitiis ka sa toxic relationship tapos may side chick palang 15 years na nananahimik. Eme!
ReplyDeleteDont get married if you believe in divorce. Nagsasayang lang kau ng pera at oras sa isat isa. Konting kibot lang divorce agad ang takutan.
Delete3:28 beh, did you read other people's comment here? Ung mga nagshare ng experience and trauma nila for staying sa abusive and toxic marriage?? Or u just bruised it off kasi masaya ka nman sa marriage mo and wala ka nang pake sa iba??;
DeleteMas ok na yung hiwalay ang parents kesa awayan everyday sa harap ng mas traumatic
ReplyDeleteDapat ma push talaga tong divorce. Hindi ko ma intindihan anung reason bakit tayo na lang ang bansa na walang divorce bill. Please naman. Anung pumipigil sa inyo na ipasa ito.
ReplyDeleteStaying for the kids does more damage in many cases. Yung auntie and uncle ko lagi nag-aaway, nagsisigawan and nagtatalo tungkol sa pera. Ganun na sila years ago and until malalaki na mga anak nila ganun pa din. Yung 2nd child nila sobrang affected that she tried to harm herself and needed psychiatric treatment because of so much stress from seeing her parents fighting all the time, especially seeing her mom crying and laging "talo" because she was a stay at home mom so she didn't have her own income and was dependent on her husband. My cousins asked them to separate years ago but they didn't. Yung mga anak na mismo nagmakaawa sa parents nila na maghiwalay for their mom's sake.
ReplyDeleteYung uncle ko madalas sobrang lasing kaya sa presinto napupunta dahil hindi na makapag-drive pauwi. Yung mga anak nya ang tumutubos sa kanya. Imagine being so negligent that your own kids have to take you out of jail and wala lang sa kanya, yung mga anak nya sobrang nasasaktan na pero he kept on doing it. The mental and emotional abuse were really bad.
My aunt has passed away since then, but even now my cousins would wonder if she'd have lived longer if she didn't have to suffer so much in that marriage and if she'd had the courage to leave, and kung may option like divorce na open sa kanya.
Wala naman din kasi syang kids. I am pro divorce btw. Anyone should be free to leave a toxic and an abusice relationship.
ReplyDeleteSa mga nagsasabing padaliin process ng anullment, iba pa rin sya sa divorce. Annullment is ginawang walang bisa or yung kasal didnt exist in the first place dahil sa (insert technichality here: psychological incapacity, marriage under false pretenses, shotgun marriage, etc) so the kids are still illegitimate (so mas maliit yung inheritance nila vs legitimate children), ma proseso yung pag hiwalay ng assests. Vs divorce na recognized yung union but the bond is dissolved so children are recognized under the law as legitimate, pwedeng mag ask ng support for the wife (or kung sino ang lower income and primary caregiver) and kids. In short divorce gives more legal protection sa mga naging result ng marriage.
ReplyDeleteFor those that are not in favor, it's not just about you. It's about people, families who need this option. It's about those who need to get out of abusive and toxic marriages.
Wala namang pumapasok sa marriage na may planong maghiwalay at hindi din ganun kadali hiwalayan kaya usually pag nagdecide na mag hiwalay matindi na rin pinagdaanan bago maghiwalay.
What happened to her motto, “DRIVE TEST muna daw para sure na kau bago pakasal” haha
ReplyDeleteBully po kayo. Haha what a loser .
DeleteParang she’s speaking from exp nia from childhood 🥺
ReplyDeleteBeen reading a lot of sad stories here about sa mga experience nila with their parents. Ang sad :( kaya yung iba anak ayaw nila magka anak Or mag asawa Or to commit in a relationship kasi, ayaw nila mangyari sa anak nila yung trauma nila. This is a very sensitive topic ha, ako nga Catholic ako Yes, to divorce ako para sa kalayaan ng both parties pero takot ako ngayon mag sabi ng opinion ko sa social media kasi parang ang sama ko na . Parang nung election 2 years ago they Will cancel you pag hinde ka maka leni Or maka BBM ka. Ang toxic!
ReplyDeleteIto ha….kahit mag end of the world na at baliktarin mo ang mundo. The divorce law Will never happen in the Philippines . It Will Not happen. Don’t get me wrong, sa totoo lang tayo. Oo, napasa na sa congress , sa senate may debate pa yan- mahaba haba discussion pa yan tapos supreme court! Baka matapos ni BBM
ReplyDeleteAng term niya hinde pa pasado ang law na ito. Sad to say. Again, hinde ako Anti divorce at hinde hinde ako pro divorce . Kung Anu magiging desisyon ng batas i Will accept and respect it.
Lahat ng pro divorce i respect you same sa Anti divorce I respect you too as well. Boses niyo yan opinion niyo yan Go.
Andami mo sinabi but I wouldve liked to hear your opinion bakit sa tingin mo di ito maipapasa.
DeleteWe are a Catholic country most are it are againts it. Sa dami problema ng Pilipinas tingin mo uunahin ito Ma approve ito? Plus, Uunahin ng iba politico saan sila mag benefit pag election na. Same
DeleteSex marriage hinde Ma approved ito pa kaya? Oo madami ako sinabi kasi yan ang nakikita ko at na observe ko.
Guys, be careful what you wish for because this is not just about divorce that makes you able to remarry but it's about who among the two individuals, is going to pay. I will give you an example. If you are a mother, an OFW sending money to your husband in the Philippines who has no job, but he instead of using it accordingly, uses it for pambabae, gambling, drinking habit etc. You, of course will get furious and wants to file a divorce on the grounds of "irreconcilable differences". Now, who do you think will pay alimony and child support? It's you because No. 1. you are the one who has money; No 2. your husband is the custodial parent of the child because you are in abroad. You might say it's unfair dahil ikaw na nga ang niloko tapos ikaw pa ang magbabayad. That's the divorce law.
ReplyDeleteIn the eyes of divorce law, guilty or not, as long as you are the one earning more money, you will pay.
This is really informative
Deletejust like Britney Spears
Deletemay iba pa nga nag iba ngnwork
iyong mas mababa ang sajod
para iyong ex spouse nila
mag child support or mas
malaki part nila